Distorted Thoughts

Ok...I don't feel ok. My mind is wandering around with so many thoughts. It's like being in shock...I feel my eyes are wide open and dialated. That what I'm seeing isn't real but what I feel is. How can I be so ungreatful? I feel so much shame and it's hard to express the pounding in my soul. Outwardly, I'm getting back to normal but am I just pretending? I'm sometimes afraid that I'm not normal..that there is something still wrong with me. I've been able to put it into terms of life or death. What am I doing with my life.

I sat in church today...numb Easter Sunday and I feel numb. This is what life is all about. The facts that happened around Jesus Christ and I'm just numb.