Distorted Thoughts

Am I pretending every thing is ok or is everything ok...I feel so lonely but I'm surrounded by people. I don't want to talk to anyone not even my sponsor...there's nothing to explain. I can't put into words the emotions that are going through my mind every minute. It's almost compulsive thinking. I don't know I'm thinking it until I do something related. I just want to tune my mind out...turn it off and forget about the rest of the world. Live my small story and be satisified...but knowing I've tried that before and it doesn't work! Am I insane to think it will work this time!