Distorted Thoughts

steady motion...concentrate on just breathing. Shutting down....breathe…staring at the tv…conscious enough to see…comprehension is understated….

Something stupid: Tramadol & Hydrocodine cocktail…priceless, emptyness, peace

slow steady breathes...don't listen to the whispers....keep breathing...keep figthing... breathe

walking sideways...every two hours...just keeping my head above the waters...breathe

Don’t do anything stupid…don’t DO anything stupid….don’t do ANYTHING stupid!

So I keep repeating to myself for the last 7 days. I struggle with want to do something stupid…I realize I have the choice but I’m so tried of the choices…I don’t want the responsibility of that choice. Consequences…I only see the bad. I’m afraid…I’m anxious…I dread the next moment…the next breath….

I just can't seem to get the skin around my eyes to heal. This all started in January, when I cried for about a week no stop..pretty much. Since then they are sore, irritated, and flaky....I've tried just about everything from mosterizers to neospren....

This week has once again made them worse.

I'm anxious about tomorrow… but yet I know there is nothing I can do. It isn’t here. I know have to take my meds but I feel to anxious to even want to take them. There are seven…one blue (ambient cr), three pink (lamictal), small white pill (ativan – should I take more than one), and then there is a medium size yellow pill (seroquel).

I haven’t really been able to eat much today and keep it down. It’s got to be nerves. I know I’m the one stressing myself out but I don’t know how to stop it! I don’t want to face tomorrow…but it always comes.